Tori Amos and me
To celebrate my third Tori concert this week, I repost this blog post from years ago, a short lil musing about Tori Amos and the way her music and her unique self inspires me.
The story of Tori Amos and me started out strangely.
In January 1997, I met the guy I would marry 3 years later.
He was the one who introduced me to comics. He told me to check out Sandman, gave me some issues, and I found out that this series was right up my alley. Up until then, I thought comics were for kids who loved super heroes. It turned out they also were for 30-something women who loved to read fantasy :)
I started to collect the issues, and then, after reading it, I started to collect more on Neil Gaiman, the writer of the Sandman. The man moved to number 1 in my favorite writers list (a place previously held by Terry Pratchett). As I learned more about Neil, I learned about his connection with a singer named Tori Amos.
I hit the net, and found out more about her. One of the things that made me giggle, was the fact that she has songs with references to Neil.
Shortly after reading about her, I visited a friend, and perused her CD collection. When I came at the T in her meticulously organized shelve of Cd's, I saw Little Earthquakes. I asked: alright if I put this on?
She looked at the CD, and said: "damn, forgot I had that. My ex boyfriend gave it to me, saying I would love it. I played the CD exactly once, and then it hit the shelve, never to come out again."
She played the CD for me, and at the end of the evening, I asked if I could borrow it. That voice had mesmerized me, and I wanted to listen to her alone, in quiet, just Tori and me. She said I could have the CD.
I listened to Little Earthquakes that following day, my head resting on a pillow on the floor between the speakers, really letting the music and words speak to me, and I knew I had found someone who sang directly to my soul. I felt a connection.
I started to collect her music, and I heard her speak in an interview I had downloaded. I read about her, and I saw her on video at a concert.
I saw a woman who was purely herself, fey-like beauty, a woman who dressed in amazing and utterly beautiful clothes, more woman than anyone I had ever seen in my life. Like many straight girls I was in love with her, especially after seeing her in concert. At that time I was deep in a depression, but seeing and hearing her made me forget my problems for a while.
Tori influenced me. Her music dragged me through the dark night of the soul, as they say. Her pure femininity brought me in contact with my own. Even in her dress sense she influenced me. All my life I had loved the Gothic style of clothing, I just loved the flowing velvets and laces. Never bought some though.
In '98 I started to dress myself in clothes that made me, for the first time, feel home in my body.
And even after all these years, hearing Little Earthquakes still makes me cry. Her voice, her music and the beautiful lyrics still speak to me, and to this day Winter is one of my favorite songs. The story behind that will have to wait for another post :)
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