Why I choose to be happy
Yesterday someone said to me she wished she was happy like I seem to be.
Yesterday someone said to me she wished she was happy like I seem to be.
Posting this on two of my blogs, Simply Blissful and on Writing across the lines. It's meant as a playdate for writers there :)
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A much heard complaint of new and vetaran bloggers is that they put in a lot of effort to write a post, and then hardly get a response on it. A lot of bloggers, myself in the past included, eventually give up on their blogs thinking it's no use.
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There's one thing undeniable about success. It's something we learn as a small child. It happens for instance when our kid brother tries to take away the thing that we always wanted (usually ends up with a kerfuffle. Then the thing is broken, and neither of us has it): the moment you have success, there's always someone who doesn't want you to have it, for whatever reason.
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To celebrate my third Tori concert this week, I repost this blog post from years ago, a short lil musing about Tori Amos and the way her music and her unique self inspires me.
The story of Tori Amos and me started out strangely.
In January 1997, I met the guy I would marry 3 years later.
He was the one who introduced me to comics. He told me to check out Sandman, gave me some issues, and I found out that this series was right up my alley. Up until then, I thought comics were for kids who loved super heroes. It turned out they also were for 30-something women who loved to read fantasy :)
I started to collect the issues, and then, after reading it, I started to collect more on Neil Gaiman, the writer of the Sandman. The man moved to number 1 in my favorite writers list (a place previously held by Terry Pratchett). As I learned more about Neil, I learned about his connection with a singer named Tori Amos.
I hit the net, and found out more about her. One of the things that made me giggle, was the fact that she has songs with references to Neil.
Shortly after reading about her, I visited a friend, and perused her CD collection. When I came at the T in her meticulously organized shelve of Cd's, I saw Little Earthquakes. I asked: alright if I put this on?
She looked at the CD, and said: "damn, forgot I had that. My ex boyfriend gave it to me, saying I would love it. I played the CD exactly once, and then it hit the shelve, never to come out again."
She played the CD for me, and at the end of the evening, I asked if I could borrow it. That voice had mesmerized me, and I wanted to listen to her alone, in quiet, just Tori and me. She said I could have the CD.
I listened to Little Earthquakes that following day, my head resting on a pillow on the floor between the speakers, really letting the music and words speak to me, and I knew I had found someone who sang directly to my soul. I felt a connection.
I started to collect her music, and I heard her speak in an interview I had downloaded. I read about her, and I saw her on video at a concert.
I saw a woman who was purely herself, fey-like beauty, a woman who dressed in amazing and utterly beautiful clothes, more woman than anyone I had ever seen in my life. Like many straight girls I was in love with her, especially after seeing her in concert. At that time I was deep in a depression, but seeing and hearing her made me forget my problems for a while.
Tori influenced me. Her music dragged me through the dark night of the soul, as they say. Her pure femininity brought me in contact with my own. Even in her dress sense she influenced me. All my life I had loved the Gothic style of clothing, I just loved the flowing velvets and laces. Never bought some though.
In '98 I started to dress myself in clothes that made me, for the first time, feel home in my body.
And even after all these years, hearing Little Earthquakes still makes me cry. Her voice, her music and the beautiful lyrics still speak to me, and to this day Winter is one of my favorite songs. The story behind that will have to wait for another post :)
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(Originally posted on frugalforlife.com)
As a little girl I used to save up a lot of money. Most of my pocket money went into my piggy bank, to save up for bigger items I would want to buy/have.
Soon I found out that doing this, made me a target. Family members came to borrow money, as I always had some. Most of the time my piggy bank was left emptier, and even though I got paid back most of the time, I started to see my saving as a bad habit.
That is when I started the downward spiral. I became addicted to stuff. My piggy bank was empty, and my room filled with toys.
Then, almost 7 years ago, I was married by that time, I reached the pinnacle of spendthriftiness. Due to medication I became depressed, and my answer to the depression was Ebay. I started to like those maneki neko (beckoning cat) statues? I bought 20. I started to knit again? I bought boxes and boxes of yarns.
Until, one moment last year, I started to realize that surrounding myself with stuff, didn't make me a very much happier person. Cleaning the house became a chore that I detested. I was spending lots of time putting our stuff in various hiding places, and then had no energy left to spend on the actual cleaning.
That was when I began decluttering.
The decluttering was my first step on the way to frugality. I started to collect things from the house, asking a two very simple questions with every item in my hands: 'does this item bring me joy?' or 'do I still use this item?'
I collected the items, for which both answers were no, and sent them to the thrift shop or sold them on Ebay. I still do both these steps, and every time something leaves the house, I feel more fresh air chasing the staleness away.
My second step was buying the tightwad gazette, and started to read on saving money. I found some ideas very radical, especially for my spendthrifty nature, but I took some great ideas from it.
My third step to frugality was reviving my love for the earth. Would I really want to clutter the earth any more with my waste? Did I show my love for the earth by buying things, that would cost the earth centuries to break down? And wouldn't we live much more in balance, if we were eating vegetables grown in our own backyard? All these questions, and more, moved through my head, and I knew the answers to all of them. It was clear, very clear.
We started our frugal life by doing monthly trips to cheaper supermarkets, filling our pantry with cheap and healthy foods. Then once a week we stock our fridge with perishables, like milk and veggies. We have become more conscious shoppers now, and have also stopped eating and drinking unhealthy stuff. All in all we succeeded in cutting our grocery bill in half, without spending lots of time comparing price lists.
Then we started to shop in thrift shops. When we now need something replaced, we first go look there.
More steps followed, and I realized that with every step we take, I feel happier. I feel more alive now, than I did two years ago. I have renewed my bond with the earth we live on through frugality. I know that sounds like two aspects that have nothing to do with each other, but for me both are linked.
The biggest surprise in this new life of being thrifty is, that my dreams are floating to the surface now. Not spending time spending money, is time spent on following my dreams. I have a focus in life, that I didn't have for most of my life, even though I always knew what my dreams were.
To me, this is the biggest, and most unexpected, gift of frugality, and it made me realize that frugality isn't about pinching pennies, or saving money. It is about saving yourself, creating the space where you can go and live your dreams.
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This post has been long time coming... This morning I sat down, and wrote it in one go, on the Owning Pink's posse blog
http://owningpink.ning.com/profiles/blogs/talk-about-a-revolution
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Just now I read my twitter friends feed, and read someone commented
how great an exercise yoga class was.
Seeing yoga as an exercise is just like saying mcDonalds is gourmet food.
Yoga is first and foremost a spiritual journey. It helps you open up
your body for spiritual growth. For the body it is about relaxation,
mostly, and for the mind it is about calming just so that your soul
can shine through more and more in your day to day life.
For me doing yoga is all about my soul's purpose with this life, and
the more I free up my body, the more I feel home in myself.
Just seeing yoga as an exercise limits your ability to grow through
your asana's, to fully open up to all that life has to offer you, and
all the exuberant power residing in your soul.
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This was an utter surprise for me from my husband. He just took me
here, and when I saw the exhibit, I started to cry. My nephew of
almost two years old was photographed for the book when he was around
6 months old. He is almost two now, and such a joy. I am so proud do
be his aunt :)
He has down syndrome, but that doesn't change the fact that he is one
of the most amazing people on this planet. He can cure sadness with
one big bright smile. And that is a gift, that people who cannot look
beyond labels like Down Syndrome, will never see.
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I think it must be about a decade ago. We lived in an apartment in a large city. It had a very strange layout. The front door on the first floor, immediately behind it a couple of stairs. Then the bedroom was another two flights of stairs up.
The front door opened with a buzzer, from the second floor, saving a lot of running up and down the stairs to open it. If you leaned over, you could usually see who was at the door.
One morning I expected a package and when the doorbell rang, I didn't check, I just buzzed. Then I realized my mistake. A man smacked the door open, and started to come up the stairs. There was no mistaking his intent, it radiated from every pore of his being.
Then in a split second I felt such a presence behind me, as if someone really tall stood there, and put a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. The man stopped half way up the stairs, and looked up with wide open eyes. He staggered back, almost fell, and ran off the stairs and down the steps leading off into the street.
I ran down the stairs, and smacked the front door closed. Then leaned my forehead against it, and the tears came.
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*smiles* it is funny, I have been trying to write an ending do this post, and kept erasing it. Everything seemed empty. I know I was saved by an entity bigger than myself. It is an entity I have felt with me all my life, but then, at that moment in time, he became real. I wish he stayed real long enough for me to hug him, but who says I can't now?
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