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March 1, 2010

The mindful illness experiment, day 8

Sitting on the bed after a nice yoga session with a cup of tea next to me, and a peaceful smile on my face. 

Yesterday was a strenuous day for me. I haven't slept right for three days in a row now, and yesterday that took it's toll, as lots of emotions were stirred up, lots of fears, and it showed in my practice. It was the first day I didn't get to do asana, because it just didn't feel right. Of course that was because fear loves to keep a body frozen solid, and I didn't feel like fighting it anymore. 

Today it is different. Still a lack of energy, but I sat down on the mat, and went into the most beautiful and peaceful yoga practice since I fell ill. 

I can still feel the emotions stirring in my stomach, but they are easily breathed away. I feel calm and peaceful now, and I know that I will come through this illness in a way I have never come through one before. With energy to spare. 

Even though I had a setback yesterday, I feel like I have made twenty leaps forward today, and that is a wonderful new feeling for me. 

As for the asthma, I can breathe all the way to my stomach again, for the first time in over a week. Still not there yet, but I am not rushing my body into a fake sense of healing again. 

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February 26, 2010

The mindful illness experiment, day 5

The asthma is still not balanced out, and for some reason I forgot one of the nastiest side effects of the medication: having the shakes. That is going to be fun during my asana practice. 

For the rest I had only a couple of "down" moments, quickly brought back to the base line though. This experiment is truly life changing. I can't even begin to think of how many times I let my fears and my emotions get the better of me during times of being ill. That's all in the past. Now is all that matters. 

And after 46 years of living, I finally get it. I finally understand the process, and this makes me SO happy! :D

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February 24, 2010

The mindful illness experiment, day 3

It's day three of my "big experiment" in dealing with illness using yoga and meditation. 

I can't even begin to sum up the differences. Last year I was constantly craving food, and slept really really bad for instance. Today I had 5 hours sleep, and I only had my normal meals. 

I have found that if I limit the time I hold my asana, I can breathe better, my chest opens, and I can focus on pranayama much easier. What also helped was treating an asana as a meditation. Breathing relaxation to painful spots, focusing only on the way my breath flows, it makes all the difference, also in the depth of the asana. Still a marvel to me that I can rest my head on my knee in Janu Sirsasana (head to knee pose). 

I am still sick, but this time only my body is sick, my emotions don't get involved, my fear doesn't get involved, all my energy goes to my healing process. I still have my bad moments, like when I have a really bad asthma attack, but soon after that my mood changes back to the basic calm and still mode. 

After all this is over, I will write an article on this, because I believe that it is good to preserve what I have learned during this process. 

article posted on Simply Blissful & Integral Yogini 

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February 5, 2010

Say goodbye to what no longer serves YOU

Another break from the simple steps post I usually have up here on fridays. This post is bound to get me to tear up before I am at the end of writing it. But, it needs to be written, and it needs to be written now. 

Over these past few days I have started to make amends with some people I pushed away when I was going through a really rough patch. 

It's related to a part of me that I am letting go of today.

It's the part of myself that doesn't find herself worth much when she can't help others, or be there for them. Who thinks that she has to waste all her energy in helping other people, and then when she is completely drained of energy, she disappears. 

I know where she stems from, but she no longer serves my path, and I lovingly, tenderly let her go. I promise to always take optimal care of myself first and foremost, and I will do whatever I can to help other people, but I no longer will wear myself thin doing so. It's not serving my soul's path, and it's not serving me. 

I am letting her know that whatever it takes, I will take care of her, I will be there for her, I will nurture her, and I will cherish her forever. Because what she longs for most, is love. I have that in abundance. 

What part of yourself do you need to let go of? What part no longer serves you? What aspect?

And funny enough, as I am finishing up this post, I have no tears in my eyes. I feel energetic and I have a smile on my face. Guess it's time I get to know the real me, the person hidden underneath all those persona's I created over the years just to cope. I think I love her to pieces :)

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December 21, 2009

Stay true to yourself, a lesson in fear

There's one thing undeniable about success. It's something we learn as a small child. It happens for instance when our kid brother tries to take away the thing that we always wanted (usually ends up with a kerfuffle. Then the thing is broken, and neither of us has it): the moment you have success, there's always someone who doesn't want you to have it, for whatever reason. 

It is the one rule the gossip magazines (and the 24 hour news channels) are based on. They like nothing better than very famous people failing. The moment someone does, they spend all their air time on it, discussing it amongst themselves, inviting experts, inviting the people involved, milking it until there's nothing left to say about the subject. 

It also goes on a much smaller scale. Everyone of us has had experiences with co workers who tried their best to railroad us, or we have had people saying very harsh things about us, without having any idea as to why that is. 

The only thing that helps in this whole mess of responses, varying between envy, glee, fear and other layers, is to stay true to who you are, to your soul. 

Your thoughts keep betraying you, telling you things that are completely untrue (I bet you have "I suck!" on repeat whenever someone manages to get through to you with their negativity). Your emotions keep betraying you (you really don't have to feel like you are worth nothing when something like this happens to you). The only one who always is on your side, and who will never betray you, is your innermost, sacred, eternal self. Your soul. As long as you stay true to it's lessons, it's values, nothing can harm you. 

Not even the petty little fears that stick up their heads whenever something good or bad happens.

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